What It's Worth - Diary of a Heretic

by kathleenmaher

“Wanna watch ‘Children’s Minds,’ with me?” Tara asked. “Season three’s on channel twelve and season two is on four.”

“Thanks, anyway.” Matthew continued staring out the window.

Tara called, “They’re previewing the episode where the boy dreams future catastrophes.”

“That’s okay.” Matthew had been twenty-five during season three, playing a thirty-five-year old psychiatrist. At twenty-five, he still felt that whatever he wrecked, he could go back and fix; and whatever he lost, he could recapture. Between thirty and thirty-two he learned what he should have always known: you can never go back.

By seven pm, he wondered if the family was going to eat dinner at all. His temples throbbed. At nine he had a meeting with Mark Fletcher, the play director, at his octagonal house halfway up the mountain. A line of pain burrowed behind his right eye. He was in love with Brooke, but if she kept acting like Dexter’s sister, he would need to seal off that endless well of love and desire. He must have groaned, because lovely, reassuring Tara was beside him at the table, patting his shoulder. “Baseball preempted your show.”

He started to speak and stopped. Just as anything approaching incest—even the unofficial kind—was out of the question so was mentioning it to anyone, let alone Tara.

“Do you have a present for Brooke?” she asked.

“I’m afraid she won’t like it, because it’s a necklace and I know you girls have been making and selling your mother’s jewelry for years. Except this was like your tea set, Tara. Seeing it brought Brooke to mind.”

“But isn’t Brooke always in mind—in your mind? And by the way, Dexter’s wrong; you don’t stare at her.”

“Thank goodness for that. Now if I run next door and get the necklace can you tell me if you think she’ll like it?”

“If you show it to me first, Matthew, she’ll hate it.”

“You’re sure she’ll know?”

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